When helping someone we love goes well,
it feels absolutely great.
But then there are those times when it feels as if we’ve reached a dead end.
A feeling that we tried and tried,
but nothing we do is helping.
The person just doesn’t let us in.
They just close themselves,
and nothing which we’ll do
will make them appreciate our tries.
This is so challenging.
How can they not see that we’re here, trying to make things better?
How can they not need us?
This can be so frustrating.
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But we can change that.
We can make the person we want to help so much, open up to us.
In order to do that,
we need to stop,
to realise what the “bugs” are in our methods of helping,
and to find solutions to what we do wrong.
Are we giving the person we want to help 100% of our attention?
Are we listening in a way which will let them unfold their story and fund their own solutions? Or are we listening just to give advice?
Are we really non-judgemental?
These are just a few of the things people don’t realise they miss out on doing.
And even if they’re aware of them, and they know in theory that they should do them, they don’t know how to really do them well.
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A person who’s considered a good helper,
DOES NOT need to know the solution to every problem other people may have.
No.
A good helper is someone who is listening attentively, using active-listening skills.
Who is truly emphatic.
Who is listening without any judgement.
Who knows to stay with the other person’s story,
letting them tell it,
without comparing,
and without offering solutions.
Yes.
There’s a way to help in a way in which the person in need will want to share more and more with us.
Will trust us with their life-stories.
Will seek our presence and help.
And yes, you can learn it too.
❦
You too can become that helper!
And may you always be there to help the people who you love.
Yours,
Noa Brume
The ICCI expert trainer.